What are birthdays anyway?

Grief has changed what my birthday means to me. This photo of me and my mum was taken when I was 10hrs old:

Soon after, she developed a potentially deadly infection and then an allergic reaction to penicillin. She nearly died to give me life. 

So my birthday today made me realize that 2 years after her death my birthday has become a day of mourning rather than a day of celebration. And I'm okay with that. Being allowed to sit in grief and experience those feelings is important.