7 Phases of my Grief Process
It is almost a year and a half since my mum died. This journey through grief has been a long and difficult road.
There are lots of models of the grief process available that try to overlay a consistent structure to the grief process. In this post I wanted to give you an idea of what that process looked like and felt like for me.
- Shock - my mother's death came as a shock to me even though I had seen her health rapidly decline in the 3 years before her death.
- Deferral of Grief - Within hours my grief gave way to the caring for others phase, in which I worried more about my dad than myself and I moved in to a caring mode that deferred my grief process almost entirely as I tried to meet his needs.
- Anger - This expressed itself only after a trauma trigger (my middle sister making threats and accusations)
- Emotional Breakdown - I literally left the first family situation before my mother's funeral because I was having suicidal thoughts. I fled the situation and needed to put significant distance between myself and the place she died as well as disingenuous family members that tried to control her death/funeral/belongings.
- Immersion - I had to be busy! First I wrote my Catharsis book to process the emotions that constantly overwhelmed me. Then due to the Covid pandemic I began making face masks for donation to charities and essential workers - I did that 40+ hours a week for several months, making 2000+ masks.
- Return to "Normal" - I sought comfort in the routine that had been my normal life before mum's death.
- Renewal - I made changes in my life to reflect the new person I had become. With those changes came contentment, understanding and a renewed love of life.
These 7 phases of my personal grief journey are simply based on reflective analysis of my own actions and thoughts during the many months since my mum died. Each person's grief journey will be different and you may look at your own behaviors and thoughts differently. Grief is a rough road no matter how you process it!